i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
