I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
