I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
