One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
