I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
