pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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