Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
