You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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