i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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