These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
