3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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