I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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