dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
