i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
