chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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