Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
COCAINE IS GR8
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
