She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
