Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
