I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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