i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
