Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
