my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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