my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
