Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
