yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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