i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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