Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
