omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
