At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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