there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
