sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
