There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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