yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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