I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
