You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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