the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
