Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
