found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just cropdusted the office
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
