I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did I show you my penis last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
