it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
