i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
