I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
