Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Two words: nipple clamps
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