Barsexuality is the new black.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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