she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
