What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
