i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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