he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
