Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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