I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
