taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
