i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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